he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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