She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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