this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
