Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
