I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
