My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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