3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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