dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
