He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize