I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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