we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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