Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
