Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
