absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
