the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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