i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
