hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Send help, water and tortillas.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
