i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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