Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
