what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My bed smells like the plague
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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