We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
