well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
