I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
