It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
