I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
