i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
