Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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