We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
