And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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