Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
