I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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