why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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