this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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