There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
