life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
did you just send me my own nude
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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