I'm going to rape someone's good day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
