I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
