i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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