I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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