there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
