Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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