The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
