I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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