I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
