peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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