You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
