Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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