Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
