my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
