I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
