Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
