The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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