he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
