So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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