I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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