My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
