When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
