i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
