i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
