Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
