Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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